Author: Brandy Metz, MSN, APRN, AGNP-C

Pain

“Learning is not child’s play. We cannot learn without pain.” ~ Aristotle

Pain is the ultimate change agent. Nothing returns to its original dimensions after pain is experienced. Nothing can affect you and change the course of your life quite like pain. Pain is unavoidable. No one is exempt. It’s an inevitability, as sure as death and taxes. You will be crushed. You will be hurt. You will be brought to your knees. You will feel pain. But you will survive. And you will be forever changed. Over and over again. 

Some pain haunts you forever. It will always linger with you. There is no resolve. It just remains. Time wraps it up and tucks it away in a cupboard, but it’s always there; and that pain can be unfolded at any time as great as the day you met it. It is yours to bear. By destiny and design you are to carry that ever present pain. We all have our cupboards full of hurts and haunts and the things we never heal from. The best we can do to reconcile it is to fold it up as neatly as possible, put it away, and leave it be.  

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ~ Rose Kennedy

Sometimes pain can feel like a mudslide. It can sweep all of your stability right out from under you. People get swept away by tragedy all the time. They are overcome by loss, regret, guilt, betrayal, the cruelty of others, and inner torment. They drift from themselves and are unable to catch their footing. They never had a chance. They slip further and further into self destruction, despair, oblivion, both running from pain and unable to evade it, only making it worse. Pain must be confronted and reconciled. “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi. There’s a lesson there if you are brave enough to face it, work through it, and surmount it. 

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis’. One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.” ~ John F. Kennedy Jr.

There is freedom on the other side of pain. In the great providence of God, all pain can be used for good. All pain can be used for your growth. Pain is the change agent that can grow you and transform you like nothing else can. You can choose to confront and transmute pain for good and for your betterment. You have endured the worst. You survived. If you have experienced agony, torment, cruelty, humiliation, victimization, being defenseless, brutalized, traumatized, wounded, scarred, scared, unloved, rejected, helpless, isolated, suffocated, and vulnerable, take comfort. You have been expanded. All that pain makes you a deep deep well from which others can draw from and seek refuge. The more life has broken you, the pain that you have endured… all that vulnerability, that torture, and that grief digs at you and makes you deeper. It expands your capacity. It expands your heart. Great pain gives you great depth, and makes you a wellspring of compassion, strength, and comfort for others. 

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.” ~ Fyodor Doskoyevsky

The most fascinating people are those who have been to hell and back. There is something very palpable and formidable about someone who has surmounted hell. They have an edge. Their journey has depths unknown to you. They’ve seen things. Those who have endured the worst pain, and surmounted it, are no longer victims. They are warriors. Pain changed them into something much stronger. They have an indestructible quality. They become unbreakable, unstoppable, battle hardened. Like a wolverine, not long wounded by anything, and equipped with claws as needed. If hell itself couldn’t stop them, what can? Assail them at your peril. 

“Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they’re made of.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut

David Goggins is a brilliant example of this. He is as fierce and indestructible as they come. He was able to transmute all of his pain into power. His pain did not stop him. It fueled him to perform superhuman feats. He was able to convert all of the disadvantages and injustices he had in life, and all of the abuse he endured, to his advantage. His circumstances did not destroy him. They created him. His suffering transformed him into something much greater. 

“You have to be your own hero. That doesn’t mean sticking your head up your own ass- but being accountable for who you are as a person and finding strength from within. The single most important thing you need to do is own your life.” ~ David Goggins

Every hero has their tragic backstory. That’s where it all begins. The purpose of pain in life is not to destroy you. Use it constructively to grow you and shape you and make you into who you could become. Turn your pain into power. Look how strong you are! Look at everything you’ve been through! Here you are. A few scars and tender spots maybe, but still standing. Healing, growing, surviving, thriving, and doing your best. Better not bitter. That is brave and powerful and inspiring. 

“Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, Fall in order to grow, Lose in order to Gain because life’s greatest lessons are learned through Pain.” ~ Masashi Kishimoto

There’s a whole world full of people hurting. “Hurt people hurt people.” Pain can distort and break people. “The finest souls are those who gulped pain and avoided making others taste it.” ~ Nizariat Qabbani. The trial of enduring pain is to maintain your goodness. It’s the change agent that can make you better or worse. The world needs people who can navigate their pain and transmute it into good. Take up your assignment. “It is not what you bear but how you bear it.” ~ Seneca. Find the purpose in the pain, and there is always purpose to be found. Be brave enough to face it. Sit with it. Feel the feelings. Let it do what it must in us. Let it break us, re-shape us, transform us, teach us, grow us, harden us, soften us, sharpen us, strengthen us, and better us. Rage, mourn, scream, wallow. Feel. Heal. Explore the depths. You will get through it. “As life gets longer, awful feels softer.” ~ Modest Mouse. You will survive. And you will be changed. Over and over again.