Author: Brandy Metz, MSN, APRN, AGNP-C

Bravery

“The first and great commandment is, don’t let them scare you.” ~ Elmer Davis

I used to be very self conscious and had incredibly low self esteem. I felt like I needed to make myself small and be overly considerate of others to the point of diminishing myself. I felt unworthy of even being. Everyone was more valuable than me. I felt like everyone got a life memo that I did not get. Everyone knew something I did not know, and therefore their thoughts and opinions trumped mine. It wasn’t until early adulthood that I began to realize nobody really knows anything. We’re all just floundering around out here. My thoughts and opinions are just as valid as everyone else’s, and I am not small. This gradual and sure realization changed my life. I do not shrink for anyone anymore. Diminishing yourself is not altruistic. Making yourself small at the expense of others does not make others big. That is a fallacy. Take up your space. Own it, all of it, and stand tall in it. Unashamed and unafraid. 

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”- Nelson Mandela 

What are you scared of? Let’s really break this down, so we can dispel it. We are social beings. We all have a need to belong, and feel accepted, valued, and appreciated. And we all have a fear of rejection. It’s our worst nightmare. How trivial? Someone doesn’t like you? They said bad things about you? Don’t be devastated and paralyzed by what someone else might think about you. Unless it affects your livelihood, do not leave any space in your head for that. You have no real control of anyone’s opinions. You don’t really know what people are thinking anyway, and it’s none of your business. Opinions are formed from personal biases, experiences, and perceptions. They have little to do with you. So don’t busy yourself with how people perceive you. Do not be consumed with your image or your reputation. Do not try to impress people. Do not compare yourself to others. It’s a misguided and futile waste of time, effort, and energy. Who cares what other people like and aspire to. Good for them! Go them! But you are not them, and they are not you. Only focus on what you like and aspire to. People will judge you anyway, no matter what you do. Opinions are always forming in the background. It’s human nature. And why does it concern you so? People can be negative, malicious, envious, and miserable in their own lives, and project all of that onto you. Everybody’s throwing stones from glass houses, and we’ve all got shattered views. Even you. Not everyones going to like you, approve of you, or attempt to understand or empathize with you. You cannot please everyone. Do not let that interfere with your life, your choices, or your state of mind. Opinions are just biased, fragmented, passing thoughts. Good or bad. 

“You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.” ~ David Foster Wallace

No sane person is judging you all the time. Everyone is living out their lives. People spend so much time seeking approval and trying so hard to get the attention of others to validate themselves. Validate yourself by being proud of yourself. No one’s opinion of you matters but your own. Do what you dare. Throw self consciousness out the window! Wear the swimsuit! Nobody cares about your cellulite, and it’ll liberate and embolden others to bear theirs as well. Make that bold move you’ve been chickening out of! Dance! Chase that wild experience. Pursue that crazy dream. You will encounter judgment no matter what move you make. Do not let that scare you, and don’t let that stop you. 

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind..” ~ Bernard M. Baruch

People will respect you and value you for being your authentic self. And when you shine, you give others permission to shine as well. Have the confidence to live true and be thoroughly you. 

“I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”~ Robert A. Heinlein 

Confidence is liberating. So the real question is how do you build confidence in yourself to be yourself. First of all, who is yourself? You need to create an identity you are proud of. You can do this by getting to know yourself, identifying your strengths and expanding on them, increasing your knowledge in what you want to learn, setting goals, finishing tasks, trying new things, and overcoming your fears. Be self assured and bold enough to be the full fearless expression of you. 

“You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own.” ~ D.M. Dellinger

Psychologists often use a practice by Joseph Campbell’s theory called the Hero’s Journey. It calls for patients to use a guided narrative to write their own hero story. As with every good story, it begins with a ‘call to adventure’. Through the steps of the ‘journey’ you identify your mentors, allies, obstacles, rewards, and all of the elements on your noble quest to transformation. It’s a fun exercise that I myself learned in therapy. Everyone here is on their own individual noble quest. Everyone is the protagonist of their own story. We’re all championing our calling, slaying dragons, tumbling into unfortunate circumstances, falling short, learning, growing, and pressing forward against all odds in pursuit of victory. Every person you meet is a hero bravely fighting their own battle of good and evil. Just like you. And if your story is not yet heroic, well then let the journey begin. It’s time to be brave. This is the tale of you and your call to adventure. Make it legendary. 

“Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A hero is always guided by forces greater than himself. If you are not qualified for the victory you seek, you will become qualified along the way. The entire universe will conspire to see to it that you meet the challenges and people needed to grow you into the version of yourself you are destined to be. So long as you remain noble and true, the power of good will see you through. Have no fear. Don’t worry about what anyone else is thinking. This is your story. Never shrink. Be your authentic, confident, radiant self, and go for what you want in life. Live your journey heroically and courageously. I dare you.

“Anything is possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” ~ J.K. Rowling