Boundaries
“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.” ~ Janis Joplin
I used to be a giant push over. I would break my back for the most inconsiderate and unappreciative people. It was limitless. Takers are bottomless and insatiable. “What they get for free they’ll take for granted then demand as a right.” ~Lois McMaster Bujold. Some people can walk all over you, circle back again, take everything you have, and be upset you couldn’t provide more.
“What you allow will continue.” ~ Unknown
You are your own advocate. It is up to you to determine your own boundaries and teach people to respect them. Boundaries and self respect go hand in hand. People can sense a lack of both and will take advantage of them. Only you can determine what treatment you will and will not tolerate. You set the bar. You set the standard. And let your self-respect uphold it.
“Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.” ~ Laurie Buchanan
You teach people how to treat you. Someone will always test your boundaries. But you do them no favors by allowing yourself to be used and abused, and taken for granted. “At some level people know when they are doing a number on you, and they don’t really want to get away with it. If you let them get away with it, not only do you diminish yourself, but you diminish others.”~ Talane Meidaner. You enforce mutual respect by enforcing your boundaries.
You have to learn the subtle art of the unapologetic “no”. Without apologies, without excuses, without justification. A “no” should suffice and stand on its own. To push-overs and people pleasers like me, this “no” can be very uncomfortable. Standing up for yourself takes courage. But if you do not maintain high standards you will continue to have low quality experiences.
“A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” ~ Tim Ferris
You are your own advocate. You must stick up for yourself. Do not violate your own self respect. Do not accept the unacceptable. Establish your priorities and stay firm to them. You cannot possibly accommodate every request of you. I’d love to be all and do all for all, but that is just not a sane or possible way to live. You will run yourself into the ground in vain. “Every single time you say yes to something, you are inadvertently saying no to something else. Choose wisely.”~ Kimberly Haydn. Your time is valuable. Your energy and efforts are valuable…and limited. Healthy boundaries protect your priorities. You must conserve time and energy for the things that are important to you by enforcing your boundaries. Know your priorities. Know your limits. Draw the line.
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